If you’re struggling with conflict in the home – you’re in the right place.
Why do we have conflict?
Essential it boils down to the fact that we’re all different. Conflict is normal. The problem occurs when things get out of hand.
ABCD – 4 Things Which Lead To Conflict
A – Are you being too authoritarian?
“Don’t do that!”
This strategy works well with toddlers but not teenagers. They have opinions of their own. We have to adapt and understand that the old way doesn’t work any longer. You do your child no favours if you don’t let them learn for themselves.
B – Is someone belittling someone else?
Are you exerting too much control? This doesn’t just happen in the home either. Look at the language you use with people:
“It’s always like this”
“You should know better”
Power and control can be dangerous when misused.
C – Are you constantly criticising?
Instead of finding fault or criticising people, tell them what you want & how everyone can support one another. Explain how their behaviour/actions are frustrating and how they can help you improve things.
D – Are you being defensive?
Are you always blaming someone else? Remember the E+R=O (Event + Your Response = The Outcome.
You can’t change the event but you can change your response – don’t blame someone for making you respond in a certain way.
Everyone has 3 basic needs – to feel loved, to feel understood and to feel respected. We all need to feel this.
We need to “fight” better. We need to have ground rules.
1. The actions are not the person.
Someone might make a bad choice but this doesn’t make them a horrible person. Concentrate on the behaviour and focus on the consequences of that behaviour.
2. Don’t rehash the past.
Don’t punish someone for what they did in the past.
3. Take time out.
Go run round the block or take it out on a pillow. Breathe.
4. Pick your battles – not everything has to be a win.
Let them win one every so often – surrender the need for being right all the time.
5. Face the music.
It’s important to listen. Sometimes you need to hear the negative stuff from your child.
6. Watch for the signs.
When people are suffering or scared they lash out. Scratch the surface and see what’s going on.
Remember: Be the bigger person and lead by example.
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