Do you ever think that you’re not good enough?
Perhaps you doubt your own abilities?
Maybe you find yourself avoiding certain situations?
If any of your answers are ‘yes’, then it’s likely you could be lacking in confidence.
What is confidence ?
When you think of a confident person – what picture do you conjure up in your head ?
- a strong leader,
- a bubbly person – happy in their own skin,
- a prolific public speaker,
- your favourite celebrity,
- someone who just seems to be really content with who they are.
This list just goes to show that confidence means different things to different people. Is it charisma – competence – knowledge? Maybe its all of these things. You see, confidence comes in all shapes and sizes.
Confidence inspires confidence.
The point is that you don’t have to be outgoing and the life-and-soul of the party to have confidence; and let’s definitely not confuse confidence with arrogance. Confidence is about that inner strength – that assuredness – the knowing, deep inside that “You are enough.”
Confidence is not consistent. You can be confident in one area of your life – but in another, not so much. That’s OK. That’s life. I am quite good at skiing, but put me on an ice rink and it all goes pear-shaped. I am a good and confident driver – but put me in a sail boat then I am totally lost. All these tasks require totally different skill sets; and we cannot be great at everything.
But, here’s the good news. What I know for sure is that confidence can be learned. It just takes a bit of practice. Although, it may feel strange to begin with, it does get easier with time.
What are the benefits of building your confidence ?
Studies show that those with more confidence :
- have a better self image,
- have a more positive outlook,
- seem to get more opportunities, ( which they take )
- have more fun and excitement in their lives,
- are healthier …
Research shows that confident people are happier and healthier.
Lack of Confidence.
Why, invariably, does not having confidence mean that there’s a problem ?
Well, it affects our lives, how we behave and how we feel.
For some, having confidence means having the courage to be yourself. Being your own person rather than following the crowd. For others, confidence is about taking risks and being comfortable in their decisions. Confidence is empowering.
Not being able to do these things limits us. It makes us afraid and we tend to shy away from showing our potential.
No-one benefits from hiding away.
“Confidence is quiet
Insecurities are loud.”
So the trick is to focus on what’s going well in our lives. I believe that we what we focus on – we receive. Hence, if we focus on the positive – those things that we feel good about, rather than the negatives; then we feel more able to have a go, more able to stand in our own light.
How do we become more confident ?
Those lacking in confidence are prone to exaggerating the worst outcome. They build things out of proportion :
- What will people think?
- They’ll laugh at me
- I’ll fail and look stupid
Many people base their self-worth on the opinions of others. They worry about what others think. This is wasted thinking. You see, confidence is being content with who you are and having a good relationship with yourself. It is not about what other’s think of you; that’s their business.
It’s about how you feel.
“What happens if I fail ?
But my darling – what happens if you fly?”
If all this is striking a chord with you; then next time you recognise a negative thought, acknowledge it and then try to turn it around. Allow yourself some space by imagining how you start to feel when you think more positively. Examples might be :
‘I don’t know enough – I’m not equipped for this,’ might become ‘This is an opportunity to learn.’
‘I’ve never done this before – I’ll get it wrong’ might become ‘Who can show me how to achieve this?’
And if all else fails … I hold great store in the small ( but powerful word ) – “YET”.
I cannot do this … YET
I haven’t got the resources for that … YET
I don’t know where to start … YET
See the difference such a small word can make ?
The trick is :
“Fake it till you make it.” ~~ Steven Tyler
When do you feel confident ?
Have a think for a minute – when are you most confident ?
- When you are singing in the shower
- When driving your car
- When you are cooking your favourite meal
- When walking the dog
- When you are on the sports field
Whatever the circumstances, it’s important to understand that if you can be confident in one area of your life, then you have the potential to learn this in other areas too.
It’s a lot more fun and a lot less effort living life as confident individual than living with self doubt.
Confidence is like a muscle – the more you use it – the stronger it gets.
In NLP, we use a number of techniques that help to retrain our brains – helps us develop a more productive way of thinking.
Click the button below to download a practical exercise that you can do to help build your confidence and self belief.
So if you are feeling in need of assistance. If you feel that learning some of these techniques can improve life for you or others in your life – give me a call – I can help.
Much Love 💕
Supporting Parents Build a Mentally Healthier and
Happier Generation of Young People