Is your life chaotic? Are you at a stage where you’re spinning plates and you just don’t know which way to turn? Maybe spinning those plates are your badge of honour. Me too – I fell into that trap.
Why are we talking about Self-care?
We, as parents are very good at putting ourselves right at the bottom of the to do list because we mistakenly feel that we are obliged to put others’ needs before our own.
✔️We’ve got to take people to rugby practice.
✔️We’ve got to make sure that the violin is in the right place.
✔️We have to create gourmet packed lunches.
✔️We’ve got to make sure that everyone is happy.
BUT, by the time we get to looking after ourselves, we are knackered and frazzled; and let’s face it, plain, old, resentful.
However, by NOT putting ourselves first – everyone suffers. SO things have to change.
You Cannot Fill From an Empty Cup.
My personal experience…
This has happened to me exactly a year ago, coming up to Christmas last year. I was trying to be a domestic goddess, to be the best entrepreneur, the best parent expert who had all the answers. I was putting my clients, my family, my friends first, I was putting everyone before me. Then one day. I just woke up and went :
“No, I’ve got nothing left to give. I can’t do it anymore.”
The thing is – I never saw it coming. I thought I was invincible.
I took a fortnight off – convinced I’d be fine after the Christmas break.
I came back in January, not refreshed, not raring to go, and still resentful of people who were wanting a piece of me. Oh the guilt!
Thing was – this was my fault. I had taught them that it was all right. I had taught them that I was there to answer all their problems whenever it suited them. I had taught them that my needs didn’t matter so much.
It doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, what your job is or if indeed you got a job. It doesn’t matter. If you’re not looking after yourself, shit’s gonna hit the fan. Simple as that. If you don’t collapse in a heap rocking in the corner, lucky you, it nearly happened to me.
You might not hit total rock bottom. But it still takes it’s toll.
✖️You’ll be arsey with your kids.
✖️You’ll not deliver on time at work.
✖️You’ll keep falling asleep in front of Netflix
✖️And You’ll be running on empty.
It IS important to make changes – so that you look after yourself better.
A word of warning however – Self care is not just a massage once a month.
Self-care is putting yourself first.
Self care is about prioritising your wants and needs as well.
Take a long hard look at your life.
What are you doing socially or in your relationships?
I firmly believe that in our relationships, we have Radiators and we have Drainers.
We have people that build us up. The RADIATORS.
And those who deplete our energy banks. The DRAINERS.
I meet up with people who are fun and inspirational. I find my Radiators.
On the flip-side, I have gently sidelined people that aren’t bringing me joy or who are depleting my energy reserves, my Drainers. There are members of my family I haven’t seen in a very long time. Sadly, it’s the way it is. But life is better, because there’s no longer that daily toxicity.
Who are your radiators and drainers? Make a list.
What does the rest of your life look like?
How big is your to-do list? Are you getting all the things completed? Or do you get that sinking feeling in your stomach whenever you look at it? Be realistic …
❓Can someone else do that task? Is it really your responsibility?
❓Does that task really need done in the first place? All too often we set ourselves such high expectations that are, to be frank, just unnecessary.
For me a daily drain on my energy levels was the evening meal. I never had time to shop properly – let alone plan meals; and it made me feel crap. Introducing – Hello Fresh! My weekly menu subscription. Without a doubt, it is has taken away the pressure of having to create something scrumptious and wonderful each evening; and the bonus is that my darling hubbie now often cooks at the weekend. Win-Win!!
Habits for a successful decluttering
Whenever you declutter your life, you are able to live life
✔️a bit easier with less hassle,
✔️with more clarity,
✔️with higher energy levels, and
✔️with loads more self-confidence.
I am now better able to cope with the curve-balls that life throws at me because my energy levels are better and I’m no longer putting up with crap. I’ve got systems in place now and a team of people that help me with my business. I have my exercise regime, a few morning routines, all of which I had to put into place.
Granted, it hasn’t happened over night. But prior to this, I was running around like a headless chicken and no one was winning.
Learning to say No.
This is big. Learning to say no is liberating.
All you have to say is “No, thank you so much but I’m not going to be able to do that.”
You don’t have to say why and have a convoluted argument.
By saying no early on – you are saved that awful last minute panic of having to make excuses. Every one knows the boundaries and you aren’t letting anyone down – including yourself.
Everyone knows what the boundaries and ground rules are. You don’t have to be Superwoman, Wonder Woman, Spider Man, whoever, who’s got it all together all the time. It’s important that you start putting yourself first by :
✔️Building space – to relax and chill,
✔️Building contingency – so that you have time to stop,
✔️Building me-time – because you are important,
✔️Building in stuff that makes you happy – so that you have some fun in your life too.
When you declutter your head and your life, you’re able to perform better and look after those you love better.
As a parent, get back on the top of that agenda because when you are energised, you are leading your family with confidence, and with the knowledge that you are on top of this, you’ve got this!
Everyone gets that vibe. Everyone settles.
As always – please drop any questions in the COMMENTS box below.
I have a video series on YouTube : Take Care of Yourself.
Have a look here for the FIRST episode on Putting Yourself First : CLICK this link or the image below.
If you want to keep this conversation going – why not come and join my facebook group : PARENTS : Teen Toolbox ™️.
It’s full of like-minded parents wanting the best for their kids.