This was “Oscar Weekend.”

Although I watch the coverage, I can truthfully say that I am only interested in the ‘filmy’ bits. What I find particularly galling is the persistent media reportage regarding the latest designer creations that adorn the ladies on the red carpet. I know, it’s like Marmite; you either love it or hate it. Maybe it’s just me – but I feel that there is an awkward blend of whimsy and degradation around all these media hours covering the women’s appearance rather than reflecting and reporting on their abilities.

I was at a Women in Business Masterclass last week and our keynote speaker was the highly motivating and terribly entertaining, Mary Keightley from Top Women Top Jobs. She was talking about Mental Toughness for Women. This certainly wasn’t the feminist diatribe that we used to witness in the past. However, the over-riding message which was true then and still is today, is that the rules are different for women and for men.

Historically we have been conditioned to think that, in order to fit in and be successful, women needed to act more like their male colleagues.

Illustrating this, Mary highlighted, through examples of media coverage, that what is particularly clear is that women are primarily judged on two factors – what they wear and their age.

There was an article in The Sunday Times this week. The paper was reporting on the fact that Monica Bellucci – the new Bond Lady ( a title she prefers over Bond Girl ) is 50 years old. Incidentally, Daniel Craig is 46.

She is quoted as saying

“ It’s a man’s world. We give birth, we like to take care of our children, but our rhythm is not respected.To be equal it means that we have to become like the men. We are not men.”

She continues, “When women get pregnant, they feel guilty. ‘What am I going to do with my job?’ They feel guilty about their own nature. It means society is really made up by men – we have to change that.”

As soon as we can acknowledge this inequality, we can adjust our behaviour so that we can focus on the differences between the sexes and consider these as a force of strength rather than a focus for weakness.

Mary suggested, with this disparity in mind, that we should consider the potential loss of all this female talent and acknowledge that our successes really depend on the value we place on ourselves. We need to learn to sing our own tune.

What is truly important is that we develop an unshakable belief of our own competencies and understand that we are indeed good enough and capable of achieving all that we set out to do.

I totally lacked both confidence and self-belief when I was working as a younger woman in the corporate world. I have since heard that I was not alone with these feelings – and it is in fact called the Imposter Syndrome. Broadly speaking, it means that the individual has a worry that they don’t quite measure up to their colleagues. Invariably I was made to feel that the proof of my successes was merely down to luck and I believed this.

Personally, I had very similar struggles a couple of years back. Through NLP I got my mojo back. I was able to turn my dreams into concrete goals; and believe me there is nothing more empowering than knowing where you are headed and exactly what you have to do to get there.

Perhaps you suffer from these feelings of inadequacy? Are you wasting your true potential?

Is it possible that you are just looking for the confidence boost you need to feel more comfortable at work?

Maybe you want to remove some limiting beliefs that are holding you back socially or romantically?

If any of these issues resonate with you, then please give me a shout. Perhaps I can help you.

Thank you

Cai’s ultimate driver is to empower individuals to make the necessary changes, through Personal Breakthrough Sessions and Performance Coaching; using recognised methods from Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and TimeLine Therapy & Hypnosis.

For more information please contact Cai : or call 02891853478.